I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My vagina is officially offended.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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