whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize