we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
