I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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