dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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