Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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