Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
