is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
