What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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