Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Operation Purity has been aborted
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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