didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
