That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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