I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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