We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
