im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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