I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize