when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
