WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
