I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
