My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
then he tried to convert me to islam
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
