Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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