Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
