how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
