At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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