Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
