I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
