Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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