Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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