i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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