he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
