My first STD was from a foam party
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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