my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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