this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
