and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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