Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
