my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
