had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
