The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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