My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
