You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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