I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
