Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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