i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
