I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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