i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
