She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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