Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
