Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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