babies were throwing up all over the place
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
