Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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