Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
