So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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