Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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