I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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