all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
