Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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