The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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