Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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