How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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