your room smells of hookers.
And success
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
