just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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