Your mouth is God's brothel.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
