you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
