If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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