last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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