Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I want is dick and wine.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
