so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
