You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
