In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
