hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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