'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
