I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
