my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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