i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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