I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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