If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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